Guilty
by Magicks and Vengeance
Summary: Lyra has gone to St. Sophia's boarding school... But something happens, and she's just left with horrible guilt. F/F themes. Don't like, don't read. That simple.


This isn't my first HDM fic, but it is the first I've posted on this name. Lyra and Pan go to St. Sophia's boarding school. And she certainly does learn something from one of the other girls, but I don't think it's exactly what Dame Hannah had been talking about... Short, and contains femslash. Not that great, but I was bored, and here it is. If you don't like femslash, then DON'T READ. Try to refrain from being an idiot.   
  
  
**Guilty**  
  
  
Lyra had attended St. Sophia's boarding school for a year now. It was still couple more years until she could actually attend St. Sophia, but she had been content with that. Things were going well, for her and Pan. She had been learning about lots of things, and getting lessons on the Alethiometer privately from Dame Hannah. It was frustrating, but rewarding. She'd been so sure about her path in life. She'd learn to use the Alethiometer once again, and she'd try to find a way to see Will. She and Pan still ached for him and Kirjava. But she had accepted their fate. That for now they couldn't be together. But she loved him. Right?  
  
Laying on her bed, being truly thankful that her roommate was away, she was nearly in tears. She loved him. She loved Will. And only Will. But why was she feeling this way?   
  
She'd been kissed earlier that morning. For the first time since Will. For the only time *except* for Will. And she enjoyed it. She really, really liked it. But she wasn't in love. She couldn't be. And it was wrong, so so wrong. In a boarding school for girls, girls were the only ones around to kiss.   
  
She didn't start it. But she didn't stop it, either. She and Pan were heading back to their room after breakfast. It was Sunday, so there weren't any scheduled classes, except for her private one in the evening with Dame Hannah. They had nothing better to do than go back and read, until Lyra's friend caught them. "Come on, I want to show you something," she had said, smiling. Lyra couldn't refuse.   
  
She and Pan followed her and her dæmon outside, back into the gardens. There was a bench there, and the flowers were all just blooming, and it smelled wonderful. "Isn't it nice?" she asked. Lyra could only nod. It was perfect. So beautiful and peaceful. And it strongly reminded her of Will.   
  
"Look, Lyra... I just... I just wanted to say that I really like spending time with you. I think you're really great. You're smart, and... Well, I think you're really pretty. I was just wondering, you know..." she trailed off, and looked expectantly at Lyra.   
  
Lyra felt as if she were dreaming, that it wasn't real at all. She was here with her friend, their dæmons were talking quietly at their feet, and she could feel her desire for Will. But somehow, she felt content, in a way she never had. Like she shouldn't be, but she was. And at the moment, she didn't care if she shouldn't.   
  
Their eyes met, and her friend leaned closer, breaking the eye contact for only a moment to plant a quick, soft kiss on Lyra's forehead. Lyra instantly flushed, but she felt compelled to smile. And in an instant, her friend leaned in again and placed a kiss on her lips, and Lyra couldn't help but give in a little, and kiss back. Now, with all of this, she was sure she was lost in a dream. They pulled apart, and a loving smile appeared on her friend's face. But suddenly, it was all real. Suddenly, she'd actually done this. She realized it was not a dream, with only a few simple words. "I love you."   
  
Hearing a friend say those words, and meaning it like Will would have, was a shock for Lyra. The situation was suddenly completely real, and she knew it wasn't a dream. How could she have thought so before? How could she have let any of this happen? Her shock was apparent, and her friend looked back at her in fear, then got up to run. Her dæmon ran off with her, looking longingly at Pan, who was equally as shocked as Lyra was.   
  
They at some point made it back to their room, and were sitting in silence. Neither wanted to speak, though they both knew they should.   
  
But Lyra felt guilty. She'd enjoyed it. She didn't think she loved her friend, not like that, but she'd enjoyed it. She'd betrayed Will. How could she do this to him, especially with another girl? She couldn't imagine him ever kissing anyone else but her. And especially not a boy.   
  
And though they should have been talking, Lyra and Pan laid on the bed in silence. They were too embarrassed, and were wondering what Will and Kirjava would think. What had happened to the girl and her dæmon. What they were thinking. What everyone was thinking.   
  
Lyra knew she was wrong. She was guilty. 


End file.
